Character Development
Authority
Honor Your Parents
Quarter 1 Unit 2 Lesson 6
Exodus 20:12; 1 Samuel 19:1-7
CONNECTION
You can honor the authority of parents, even when that’s hard to do.
REMEMBER
“Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you.”
Some parents may be easy to honor, as they are honorable people of integrity. But what if our parents have hurt, abused, abandoned, or otherwise disappointed us?
While we may still honor them outwardly, what is happening in our hearts?
Do we harbor anger or resentment?
The Lord does not ask us to honor the wrongs done to us. Yet He calls us to show honor to the people He has placed in a position of authority over us.
He desires sincere honor that is true in our hearts.
Ask God to show you if there is anything in your heart or mind that dishonors your parents. Ask Him to help you to honor them through your words, actions, and attitudes.
Remember that as you honor your parents, you are also honoring God (Colossians 3:20).
God’s fifth commandment sounds simple: “Honor your father and your mother”
The word honor, as it is used in the Bible, means to give weight to something or someone.
In practical terms, this means to be respectful in our words, actions, and attitudes.
Honor is given because of someone’s position, not because of that person’s choices or character.
This is the honor God asks us to show to our parents.
Honoring parents is not meant to be a transactional agreement-_-you provide me with good care, and I will honor you.
We can see this because, following the Exodus from Egypt, an entire generation of people wandered for forty years in the desert, and no one was providing food or brand-name clothing or the latest toys to their children.
Rather, God provided manna to eat, and their clothes and their shoes never wore out (Exodus
16:35, Deuteronomy 8:3, 4).
And yet, this generation was the first to hear God’s command to “honor your father and mother.
God wants us to honor our parents because it is simply good to do so good for them, good for us, and good for the community.
Families represent the basic building-block of society. When a community has stable families, it is generally more stable itself.
When families honor and respect each other, then those people are more apt to honor and respect others in the community.
We see examples of families that honored God and were blessed:
Genesis 7:1 (NIV):
“Then the Lord said to Noah, ‘Go into the ark, you and your whole family, because I have found you righteous in this generation.'”
Genesis 9:8-10 (NIV):
“Then God said to Noah and to his sons with him: ‘I now establish my covenant with you and with your descendants after you and with every living creature that was with you—the birds, the livestock and all the wild animals, all those that came out of the ark with you—every living creature on earth.'”
Acts 10:1, 2 (NIV):
“At Caesarea there was a man named Cornelius, a centurion in what was known as the Italian Regiment. He and all his family were devout and God-fearing; he gave generously to those in need and prayed to God regularly.”
No matter how old we are, God’s command to honor our parents is always relevant.
Our attitudes and actions should be an inward and outward flow from our hearts. By doing this we bring honor to God.
Unfortunately, some families are not caring and loving. And some parents are just absent.
But all of us have some type of family. We might live with a single parent or with aunts and uncles or grandparents or other caregivers.
This student group, and this church, is also a type of family where we care for, respect, and honor each other.
Let’s look at the fifth commandment.
Exodus 20:12
“Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LorD your God is giving you.”
Why do you think God commands us to honor parents?
What do you think it means to honor someone?
What are some ways you have seen other people honor their parents?
Why do you think God gives us a promise along with the instruction to honor our parents?
Honoring our parents means showing them respect in our words, actions, and attitudes.
In the Bible, the word honor means to ” revere, prize, and value.”
Honoring our parents means valuing their position of authority. We will learn more about how to honor our parents, even when it is difficult.
There are many different kinds of families: biological, adoptive, foster, extended, and so on.
You may have a wonderful family with parents who love God and each other. But maybe things are more complicated.
Maybe you do not have a good relationship with your parents. Maybe you don’t even know one of your parents.
Whatever your family situation, God wants you to honor those who care for you.
Honoring others helps you have healthy relationships and learn valuable qualities, such as self-control, forgiveness, patience, and understanding.
What are some ways you can honor your parents or family members?
There are several ways you can honor your parents or family members:
- Listen to Them: Pay attention when they talk and show that you value their words and advice.
- Respect Their Rules: Follow the rules they set in the family, even if you don’t always agree.
- Help with Chores: Pitch in with household chores to lighten their workload.
- Spend Quality Time: Spend time with your family doing things together, like playing games or having conversations.
- Say “Thank You”: Express your gratitude for the things they do for you.
- Be Kind: Treat them and your siblings with kindness and love.
- Pray for Them: Include your family members in your prayers, asking for their well-being and happiness.
- Be Responsible: Show responsibility by completing your schoolwork and tasks without being reminded.
- Show Love: Hug them, say “I love you,” and be affectionate to show your love.
- Make Good Choices: Make choices that make your family proud.
Honoring your parents and family members is a way to live out the values taught in the Bible and show your love and respect for them.
One way to show honor to your parents was by obeying them. Speaking respectfully to your parents and having a considerate attitude toward them are other ways to honor them.
But you can also honor your parents by not complaining about them, criticizing them, or harming their reputations.
Sometimes you may honor your parents outwardly, but inside your attitude is dishonorable.
God wants you to honor in your heart and thoughts too!
Honoring does not mean, however, that you cannot speak the truth.
For example, if your mom or dad does not treat you or a family member well–verbally or physically – it is okay and right to tell a trusted adult about your situation.
Honoring your parents in a situation like this means getting help so that your parents can be healthy human beings and able to be better parents.
But even as you seek help for your situation, it’s good to try to think of ways you can be respectful toward your family.
How might your own behavior outside of your family be linked to showing respect for your parents?
Your behavior outside of your family is a reflection of the values and guidance you’ve received from your parents. By conducting yourself in a respectful, responsible, and considerate manner, you not only honor your parents but also contribute to a better and more positive community.
Sometimes it may be difficult to honor your parents, even when they are being loving.
When you disagree with them, you may not want to do what they say.
Or when they behave in ways that are not worthy of respect, you may want to be disrespectful to them.
When they say unkind or hurtful words in haste, you may want to defy them.
When they abandon or reject you, you may want to do the same thing to them.
But you can honor God by honoring them, even when you think they do not deserve it.
Does honoring your parents mean you must obey them, no matter what?
Why or why not?
In what kinds of situations might disobeying your parents actually be a way to honor them instead?
Honoring your parents does not mean you have to do something you know is wrong, such as stealing. If you are in a situation where you feel unsafe or you are being asked to do illegal or wrong things, definitely talk to a trusted adult.
If you are asked or told to do something that dishonors God, it is better to honor God than any human being.
Can you think of any situations in which a parent might command a child to do something that feels wrong at the time, but it is actually in the best interest of the child?
How can you tell when something is really wrong or hurtful, and when you should still obey your parents?
Who can you talk to about these things?
*The Bible gives us an example of a son who managed the difficult task of still honoring a father who asked him to do something very wrong. Jonathan was the son of King Saul- who was at one time the king of Israel.
But a young man named David had been chosen by God to be king. David showed great courage on the battlefield and killed a giant, Goliath.
He became a respected warrior, and the people of Israel grew to love him. This made Saul jealous and concerned about keeping his power, so he planned to kill David.
Jonathan, Saul’s son, had become David’s very good friend. So when Jonathan knew what his father was planning, he told David about it.
Jonathan was in a difficult position. He had to decide if there was possibly a way to honor his father, honor his friend, and honor God.
What would you do if you were Jonathan?
1 Samuel 19:1-7
“Now Saul spoke to Jonathan his son and to all his servants, that they should kill David; but Jonathan, Saul’s son, delighted greatly in David.
So Jonathan told David, saying, “My father Saul seeks to kill you.
Therefore please be on your guard until morning, and stay in a secret place and hide.
And I will go out and stand beside my father in the field where you are, and I will speak with my father about you.
Then what I observe, I will tell you.” Thus Jonathan spoke well of David to Saul his father, and said to him, “Let not the king sin against his servant, against David, because he has not sinned against you, and because his works have been very good toward you.
For he took his life in his hands and killed the Philistine, and the Lord brought about a great deliverance for all Israel. You saw it and rejoiced.
Why then will you sin against innocent blood, to kill David without a cause?” So Saul heeded the voice of Jonathan, and Saul swore, “As the Lord lives, he shall not be killed.”
Then Jonathan called David, and Jonathan told him all these things. So Jonathan brought David to Saul, and he was in his presence as in times past.”
Saul told his son Jonathan and all the attendants to kill David. But Jonathan had taken a great liking to David and warned him, “My father Saul is looking for a chance to kill you.
Be on your guard tomorrow morning; go into hiding and stay there. I will go out and stand with my father in the field where you are. I’ll speak to him about you and will tell you what I find out”
Jonathan spoke well of David to Saul his father and said to him, “Let not the king do wrong to his servant David; he has not wronged you, and what he has done has benefited you greatly.
He took his life in his hands when he killed the Philistine. The Lord won a great victory for all Israel, and you saw it and were glad.
Why then would you do wrong to an innocent man like David by killing him for no reason?”
Saul listened to Jonathan and took this oath: “As surely as the Lord lives, David will not be put to death.”
So Jonathan called David and told him the whole conversation. He brought him to Saul, and David was with Saul as before.
How did Jonathan honor David, his friend?
How did Jonathan honor his father?
How did Jonathan honor God?
At the time of King Saul, even a son of a king was not exempt from following the king’s rule, and those who confronted a king were often in danger of being also removed by the king.
Considering this potential risk, why do you think Jonathan took the chance of confronting his father?
What was smart about the way he did it?
Jonathan found a solution that honored his father, his friend, and God. He told the truth, even though it was difficult, and he spoke in a respectful way.
When you stand for what is right and honor God, you are honoring your parents.
If you ever find yourself in a difficult situation like Jonathan, seek God’s wisdom.
Remember that your statement of truth may help your parent to make a better choice, as it did for Jonathan.
But being truthful can be difficult in some situations. If you need help or feel that you are in danger, you should tell a trusted adult who can pray with you and help you find a solution.
Psalm 19:14:
May these words of my mouth and this meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight,
Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer.
How can this verse help you to honor your parents, even if they have hurt you?
Certainly, here is the corrected text with proper punctuation and references:
“Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.” – Ephesians 6:1
“‘Honor your father and mother’—which is the first commandment with a promise—’so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.'” – Ephesians 6:2-3
“No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.” – Hebrews 12:11
“As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love.” – John 15:9
“Have confidence in your leaders and submit to their authority because they keep watch over you as those who must give an account. Do this so that their work will be a joy, not a burden, for that would be of no benefit to you.” – Hebrews 13:17
“And this is love: that we walk in obedience to his commands. As you have heard from the beginning, his command is that you walk in love.” – 2 John 1:6
Regardless of whether vou have parents who treat you with love and honor or parents who have hurt you in some way, you can honor God and your parents with your words and actions.
- Zoom in on one thing that has made time with your mother or father or other caregiver special. Maybe it’s a smile, an ongoing joke you have together, a memory of a game you played, or a great meal.
- Fast forward. When your parents do something or say something you don’t like, before responding, fast forward in your mind to the consequences of being disrespectful to your parents. Consider an approach that will result in a better outcome.
- Practice forgiveness. Remember that you make mistakes and poor choices too. Forgiveness can be a way to mend hurt feelings and bring peace to your relationship.
- Practice praise. Even caregivers long to hear that they are doing a good job. Remember to thank your parents for the small daily acts of love, care, provision, or sacrifice they do for you.
God loves your parents as much as He loves you. He wants what is best for you and for them. Having a strong relationship with them enables you to have a strong relationship with God.
Honoring your parents honors God.